My So-Called Free Floating Anxiety

My so-called free floating anxiety,

Is not free floating at all,

It’s the effect of a distinct cause and effect relationship happening in my mind.

It seems to strike me out of nowhere,

Even when I’m enjoying myself and feeling happy.

But I’ve noticed a pattern in it I didn’t see before.

When there is a real and present danger,

My mind focuses and goes into cohesive action.

But when I’m feeling good,

Anxiety strikes sharp and low,

And I’m paralyzed by fear.

Now I see the true cause of my anxiety-

It’s my  fearful mind’s fear of being happy,

And it’s certain belief that it’s not safe for me  to be happy,

Because I don’t deserve to be happy.

My anxiety is not free floating at all,

It is my fear’s answer to me daring to allow myself to feel good and happy for even a few brief moments.

That is how my fearful mind sees me,

Not deserving to feel good and happy,

For even a few, brief moments.

How this  part-of-me must hate me,

Its maker,

To treat me so savagely.

Love,

Help me unlearn my fear of being happy,

That my fear-mind taught me.

Teach me how to be happy,  and to say no to fear.